Funny Ha Ha's

This week, one of my co-worker's father died. My co-worker is only 21 and I think, "Wow what a life changing moment for someone so young." I try to think how I will handle the passing of my own parents (should it occur before my own death). As I grow older, I don't see the change from my being nurtured and raised by my parents to becoming their caretaker. I sometimes feel bad that I've moved so far away, and am jealous that my brother and sister are back East with my parents and still close. I understand and enjoy how my relationship with my parents has changed though over the years - from a naive child to almost a respected peer. Regardless, I still feel that I still don't know my parents well. I don't really understand their needs, fears, happiness. Will I ever tap into it? Do I want to tap into it?

Family relationships are so odd - and disfunctional when really they seem so normal from the outside. I feel that I've spent so much time talking among my immediate family w/o listening that now I can't do it. I can't open up to hearing them, even if they wanted me to. It's frustrating that I feel so changed and evolved with my own self-awareness that I've failed to let my family into my growth - or attempted to. Maybe I under-estimate them...I think I need to make it my New Year's resolution to better that communication.